your mixtape

i broke it
it's in pieces
all over the floor
gears, reels, magnetic tape
everywhere

it takes a lot to break it
the plastic is resistant
it tried to protect the memory
the label was the first to go
i ripped it off
your writing gone
but traces of the sticker
still graced the body
i had to destroy it

my fist hit the plastic
at first carefully
with rage i bashed it
it wouldn't let me in
it tried to stop me
but i couldn't hear it
not again

finally the surface cracked
the sound of breaking
breaks the silence
a long crack across the surface
this won't do
it will still play

i lift it
think of trying to play it
but at the same moment
i throw to the wall
it hits
it shatters
like fireworks on the fourth

the room is all at once
filled with memories
silent but loud
the music is gone

the songs you carefully chose
they are scattered across my room
the reels roll
unraveling what we built

now i sit in silence
i miss you
but i don't want to
i couldn't hear it again
it hurt to much

i had to do this
each song brought me back
each time
i had to do it all again
9 years in 90 minutes

side A
we meet
we flirt
we date
we kiss
we laugh
we dream
we play

side b
we make love
we sleep
we run
we move
we lie
we cry
we try

i smashed it
i couldn't do it anymore

i have to make sure
make sure it is still there
i can't take this silence
i can't be without the sound

i take part of the tape
that lies across my bed
across the bed we shared
i take the strip of memory

i run it across
the black tape
across the playhead
it is only a second
a lyric
one moment
but i hear it
and that's enough

for now