letters to self

I am writing a letter
a letter to myself
I shall never send it
I will keep it with me

I just can't face it
these things I write
the truth is biting
and I am brutal

I just had to be honest
so many failures
I had to mention them
the dreams never pursued

I write because I care
because I am let down
I have been hurt
and your to blame

I can't send it
I will just seal it
the truth sits
never to be opened

my courtney, my courtney

my courtney, my courtney
you are on my mind
my baby, my baby
'bout you all the time

i miss you, i miss you
when you've just gone
oh honey, oh honey
don't be to long

your always, your always
on the tip of tounge
i hear you, i hear you
in each song I sung

my sweetie, my sweetie
I'm feeling so alone
my courtney, my courtney
baby please come home

your letter

I got your letter today
it spoke to me
I heard every word
like it was all for me
the sounds raised me up
then knocked me down
it felt like the ocean
and only I could hear it

I saw your letter today
it was on a shelf
with a price tag on it
it is buried in the middle
surrounded by others
I wanted to hide it
even though I have it
I bought your letter again

heard your letter this morning
it came blaring out
to awake me
from my clock radio
I wondered who else
who else awoke to your words
what could it mean to them
did they really hear it

I saw your letter today
it was on my tv set
it was put to images
I didn't understand
I see you singing it
but know you're just pretending
just moving your lips
to words that meant so much

I heard your letter today
it went zooming by me
from a car going to fast
I only saw them for a moment
but knew they couldn't understand
how could they ever
they didn't hear it
not like I did

I heard your letter today
it filled the arena
bouncing off the walls
and off the cheers
it never sounded this big
and felt so small
it wasn't for me
no longer just mine

I listened to your letter today
it had been a while
I didn't expect much
but it all happened again
my heart found the beat
again it filled my little room
and it just for me
thanks for understanding

reflection.

night falls.
the madness sets in.
the mirror.
it stares at me.
myself.
it's all I can focus on.
the fire.
it starts up all around.
the world.
it is burning to the ground.
everyone.
they scream for my help.
selfish.
I can only hear my voice.
black.
all I feel is darkness.
dawn.
the sun rises all around.
light.
I turn to see the brightness.
ashes.
they cover the ground.
lost.
it's all gone, taken away.
alone.
the only one left.
myself.
I am the only one to blame.
guilt.
I am just being selfish again.

waiting

each day I wait
and each day you come

but everyday I think
what if she didn't

what if i was alone
all of the sudden

it frightens me
and I comforted by that

of course I would wonder
where has she gone

I would cry and panic
and search

but if you never came
and I was alone

it's haunting
waiting for eternity

could I start again
begin a new life

could I stop looking
and start walking

could I forget
could I look forward

or would I just be waiting
forever waiting

thinking not of myself
but waiting for you

in tune.

the music.
it surrounds us.
it's always there.
i hear it.
i feel it.

it's in the air.
all around us.
it's inside.
in our veins.
in our hearts

my hearts beats.
to the rhythm.
of your heart beats.
as we lie together.
they beat together.

the percussion steady.
moving along the music.
pushing out the blood.
the life of the music.
to the tips of our fingers.

we strum slowly.
we touch each other calmly.
the song begins.
the beat and rhythms.
they take shape.

whispered words.
the lyrics emerge.
they fill the air.
meeting the music.
bringing the tension.

as we draw closer.
the song fully breaks.
our low sounds.
become the bass.
the underlying drive.

the song.
the music.
it fills the room.
it is beyond us.
it is between us.

the music.
we listen.
we hear it.
we feel it.
we are it.

the emotion.
the tension.
the epic.
the quiet.
the music.

the song reaches pitch.
it's perfect.
beyond perfect.
for a moment.
the song rises and falls.

don't turn it down.
let it play.
keep it alive.
the music.
may it never end.

my hearts beats.
to the rhythm.
of your heart beats.
as we lie together.
they beat together.

gracie

today you are leaving
"moving to a new school"
beyond any control of your own
you are just a child
three years of age
but someday you will grow

will you remember me
i'm only in your life a moment
i taught you the best I knew
you took it all in with a smile
you have learned so much
but your heart is so young now

someday your heart will grow
someday it will be broken
and broken again
far from the place you are now

but it will heal
and you will make your own new start
but could you remember me

the art you will create
as your heart grows will fill rooms
it will fill books and galleries
but for now the fridge doors
of all that you love

I thank you that I am one
for now
and hope that you know who you are
for always